A whole new ball game

I find that I have a hard time with all the love that comes with a new baby. I've never felt these emotions before and therefore it's hard for me to handle different situations. It breaks my heart when Addison cries. Not just little whines or normal cries but the hard sobbing horrible cries that you just don't know what's wrong. The hardest is when she's in the car. She's always hated the car. What baby hates the car? You hear stories all the time about parents having to drive their babies around because its the only thing that will put them to sleep. I will never have to do that, that's for sure! Today on one of our misadventures we had to go to Vallejo and Addison did great until the ride home. She lost it! Uncontrollable crying like she's in pain or not feeling well or something else I just couldn't figure out. I found myself a mess. It ended with me driving home and crying just as hard as she was. That doesn't happen much but cry sessions do happen when you have a kid. I hate that I wasn't back there with her consoling her but also glad that no one else was driving because I would have been even more stressed that they weren't getting home fast enough. It's amazing how all you want to do is help this helpless being. It ended with me racing home, with Abe and my mom silent not sure what to do with me and Addison crying so hard. All she needed was a little mommy time and a nap (a very short nap!) I've never had to just let go and realize I can't control everything. Babies are unpredictable and I can't always be right there holding her, kissing her, making everything better but if I could I would because there's nothing worse than not being able to help your baby when they're so so sad. No one prepares you for this and nobody ever could.

Cloth diapering ain't for sissies!

I've alway maintained a certain kind of life style. I'm not wealthy by any means and probably never will be but if I go to a store and I want a new shirt and pants I won't break the bank. Having a baby is expensive and I've always known that I never wanted to feel super strapped. We decided before Addy was born that cloth diapering would be the way to go for us. Of course I'm super happy were saving this planet one poopie diaper at a time but even more happy that Abe and I are saving one dollar at a time too!
I approached Abe about doing cloth diapers and he was totally on board. I had to explain that when she poops it involve shaking it out and spraying it down in the toilet. He's kinda of a poo phobic so I thought if he could handle that we were good to go.
I didn't start out right away with cloth diapers we did use disposables at the very very beginning. Newborns do a lot of oops poops meaning I would be spraying down diapers left and right and ain't nobody got time for that! But after a couple months we did the big switch over and it has been awesome! I love the feeling of never saying "Oh shoot, we have to go get diapers!" Not only is Abe completely on board he's the one doing most of the laundry. He's amazing! Never would have I thought a poop sprayer would be the most amazing invention EVER! A sprayer hooked directly to your toilet? Brilliant! No dunking. Thank The Lord! Lets not forget the most important part, cloth diaper butts are the cutest thing ever!

A little needy but that's okay

I thought for sure because it was more difficult for us to conceive that we would for sure have an easy baby. I imagined a very happy baby that just slept all the time and was nothing but smiles. I thought she would sleep through the night almost right away and figured motherhood would be a breeze since I was so ready and we were REALLY trying to have this baby. As with most things we come across this baby has been a misadventure in itself. She was never a colicky baby but she did cry. She cried A LOT. She had her baby witching hour and still sorta does. She's pretty much checked out for the day around 6:00pm. Making dinner time near impossible every night.
Growing up with a daycare in my house I saw all sorts of children. I remember the babies that had to be held all the time and I remember thinking to myself " I can't stand these moms that spoil their kids by holding them all the time. Why don't they just put them down?" As I have learned early on, don't say anything out loud because you're bound to jinx yourself and guess what, I have that baby. She wants to be held CONSTANTLY, she fusses often, and always wants to be with just me. I have learned in this short time that the bond between a mother and her baby is unmeasurable. I have learned that you can never hold your baby too much and they only want to be held for a short time. I can pretty much say with certainty that once this baby is mobile she will not want me coddling her like I do. I admit I like that she likes me the best. I have learned my baby is smart and wants to be stimulated often and fusses when that need is not met and on the other side when she is done she is DONE. Everyone is 100% right when they say the love you have for your child is like nothing else in the world. It is so true. I was given this baby as a gift and wouldn't change anything about her. I sometimes think I was given this "needier" baby because I HATE to be bored and I can say one thing, life is never boring.

Boob dependent....hardest thing EVER

Before I even got pregnant I knew I wanted to breastfeed. It was important to me to give it a good honest try! I read horror stories of how painful and horrible breast feeding could be and friends had given me every boobie cream possible to help with how tore up my boobs were about to be. I prepared myself for the worse and to my surprise Addison latched perfectly the very first time! I kept waiting to get these rock hard fake-looking boobs from engorgement and waiting to the pain and scabbing (gross) to happen and  it never did. I nursed on demand and never got engorged and never had anything but maybe a slight soreness. It was awesome. Nursing......NAILED IT!! Well after the 2nd week of NO sleep I decided we were going to try the bottle. I had read not to introduce a bottle until after the sixth week but considering I was going back to work 6 weeks from the day I gave birth I decided we needed to start early. I got her bottle ready, gave it to my husband, and with a tear in my eye I sat and waited to watch her gulp down that bottle and decide she never wanted to nurse again. Ha! She played with the bottle a bit and never really even took a sip. I thought it was probably because it was her first time trying the bottle but I thought for sure I would soon be replaced. Well it just goes to show you that you should expect the unexpected when having a child. The kid is almost 7 months old and still has never taken a bottle. Although I feel that it is a great accomplishment to run a successful salon while having to change my schedule dramatically to work around Addy's feeding schedule it has been hard. Most moms get a break at some point. They go out with friends while grandma, aunt, or a friend watches the little one but this momma doesn't get to do that. No wild night out, no dinners out, no over nights ever without the baby. I always planned that after about a month or two I would hand her over to my mom or my husband and hit the town but that break is yet to come. I know it will come eventually but now is just not the time. She depends on me for nourishment, comfort, and her goodnight nursing so therefore there is not a day that goes by that I'm not with her after just a few hours. No wild nights, not a few glasses of wine after a hard week, no staying up late in fear she may need that nursing session in the middle of the night. Like I said its hard but in the end it's rewarding to know that she has never taken a bottle and never will ( we're on to sippy cups now) and for that I feel I have accomplished something great. But boy will I do it up big when I can finally let loose ;)